As part of the United Authors of Chick Lit adventure, Izzy from Sarah Louise Smith's Izzy's Cold Feet is visiting today to take Jamie Ross from Finding Lucas on a tour of London. Thanks, Izzy! Izzy's Cold Feet is a fantastic book, and I'm happy to have Izzy here today.
It was a lovely sunny day in London and I greeted my friend Jamie in Hyde Park. She was visiting from Chicago and we had planned a day of sightseeing. We walked down to Buckingham Palace and I felt quite proud, as if I’d built it myself, as Jamie got excited about it. Then we went to Big Ben, which she said was smaller than expected, from there we walked over Westminster Bridge and joined the queue for the London Eye.
That’s when I told her about my fiancé Greg in more detail. I told her about how great he was for a good five to ten minutes before she interrupted me and said:
“But do you really love him?”
How did she bloody well know? I mean, it’s like the woman has a sixth sense or something. Maybe she’s been through this uncertain feeling herself. Maybe she knows real love when she sees it. I don’t know. But I told her it was all fine. Of course it’s all fine!
And we carried on our day, having a lovely time, without another moment’s thought about Greg. For now.
One month later... and only a week to go until my wedding day...
It was time to get up. An idea had formed in my mind. Without giving myself the opportunity to hesitate, I got up and went to the shoe box I kept in the bottom of my wardrobe and pulled it out. I’d guiltily stuffed it behind all my shoes when I’d moved in [with Greg] six weeks earlier, not really expecting to ever want to look at it again, but not quite ready to dispose of it either.
I’m a hoarder. I keep stuff. Somewhere in my parents’ attic are several boxes full of mementoes from my youth: toys, books, letters, postcards, cassette tapes, scarves, my old school tie and a bunch of photos. Those things meant something to me and I couldn’t throw them away.
This box at the back of my wardrobe contained somewhat different, more adult memories. I sat on the carpet and stared at it for a few seconds, knowing that it was a bad idea to open it, and yet knowing that I couldn’t resist it anyway. I may as well get on with it.
Slowly, I slid the lid off the box and picked up the envelope resting at the top. It contained photographs, and there, ready to seed the doubts even further, were the faces of all the men in my life before I met Greg.
First, there was a photo of Ewan, with his stupid straggly long hair, broad shoulders and sexy smile. Oh, how I’d loved him. I sighed again. I wondered what he was doing now. Did he ever think of me? There were a few photos of him: sitting on a beach showing off his muscular chest; another where he was standing in front of a mountain with a thoughtful look in his eyes; and then one of us together in Verona. My heart ached at the sight of us, side by side. We looked so happy. Until the day we’d split up, I was happy. I had never doubted my feelings for Ewan, like I was doubting my feelings for Greg.
What did that mean?
Next, my eyes fell on a photograph of Jason, looking serious and sophisticated in his dark grey suit. I tried to remember which wedding it had been taken at. I looked closely into his dark eyes and felt a tingle inside my chest, remembering how he used to make me feel whenever he looked at me. There were several more photos of him cooking and of us together with other people. I was always smiling in those photos. I’d been happy with him. Why had I screwed that one up?
I quickly pushed the photos of Dexter to the back of the pile. Every time I saw his face I still felt the humiliating wound he’d left. If he hadn’t hurt me would I still be with him now? I’d been asking myself this ever since I last saw him. It was no good. I’d never know. I’d probably still be with him. But he doesn’t love you, I reminded myself.
I put the photos down and looked at the other items I’d saved: a beautiful platinum engagement ring, which I realised now with a shudder of guilt, I preferred to the one I was wearing; a post-it note that said ‘I love you!’ in Jason’s neat handwriting; a pen from Venice; a shell from a beach in Pembrokeshire. Each object held a memory of the man I’d been in love with at the time.
I put the lid back on the box. This was stupid. It would do no good to look through the memories of the men who were no longer in my life. It would only add to the ‘what if’ question that was burning through my mind. What if one of them wanted me back? Would I marry Greg then? Who would I choose if I had the choice? Who had I loved most?
Find out what happens when each of Izzy’s ex-boyfriend turn up in the week leading up to her wedding day...
One bride to be. Three ex-boyfriends.
Izzy is engaged to Greg, who is everything a girl could want.
The trouble is – all she can think about is the men she loved before she met him: sexy Ewan, the first love of her life; dependable Jason, who loved her more than she deserved; and irresistible Dexter, who broke her heart…
Then there’s the fact that her sister has been missing since Izzy was twelve. After such a traumatic childhood all Izzy wants is a normal, happy, settled life, but love is never simple.
In the week leading up to her wedding day, Izzy is forced to ask herself who she loves the most. And, given the choice, who would she want to spend her life with?
Buy Izzy's Cold Feet!
Hop on over to Sarah Louise Smith's blog to find out where Jamie from Finding Lucas is taking Izzy...